


Like This My Whole Life

by argylemikewheeler



Series: Tumblr Re-posts [55]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 05:10:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18403763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argylemikewheeler/pseuds/argylemikewheeler
Summary: Written after hearing the phrase “I came out to myself when i was 16″ after feeling incredibly sad for two months.





	Like This My Whole Life

Mike sits up in his chair, already crying. Will has a fork lifted to his mouth but slowly lowers it. Mike had been unusually quiet during their lunch date; he was upset but not surprised by Mike’s outburst.

“Michael, what’s wrong?” He reaches over and takes his hand. Mike grabs it tightly, like he’s falling over.

“Will, I’m gay.” He sniffles, covering his face with his other hand.

“Baby, we’ve been dating for almost two years. I know this.” Will says softly, a laugh trying to lighten Mike’s hiccuping.

“I know... But, I just realized.” Mike’s chest heaves and he sobs silently. “I’m gonna be like this my whole life.”

“Well, yeah. That’s the idea.” Will nods, moving his chair closer. He places his other hand on Mike’s knee gently. “I mean, that doesn’t mean you have to be with me for the rest of your life if that’s what’s upsetting you--”

“No. No that’s not-- no.” Mike shakes his head and tries to wipe away his tears. It’s useless but the effort is brave on its own. “It’s just...” He sighs. “God really made me like this, huh.”

“Yeah.” Will hates when Mike thinks about his upbringing like this, like everything has been  _done_ to him. But Will’s learning to be patient; he can’t possibly understand what it’s like and he so thankful he doesn’t have to. “Made me that way too. Made most of our friends that way.”

“I don’t want to be sad my whole life.” Mike mutters, barely admitting it. “I don’t want to feel like this every. day.”

It’s vague, but Will knows. Oh he fucking knows, and it  _kills_  him. Will was confronted with his own sexuality young, when he was a bit more stupidly and wonderfully resilient to the nonsense around him. But for Mike, it lay dormant, letting him love and live and feel happy briefly-- only to finally hit him with the bullshit that had been floating around his house and his head every Sunday. Young love became a shield to the outside world; when innocence ended, it would be waiting. And it chooses Sunday lunch to take him.

“You won’t, Mike. You won’t.” Will digs through his childhood for something to help. “God didn’t make you realize this to be sad-- He wants you to be happy! He wants you to know who you are. It’s just that sometimes, people don’t get it. But I do, Jane does, Max and Lucas do, my mom does too! We’re going to love you so much more than every person who-- who...”

“Who hates me.” Mike says. “You can just say my parents. You’re going to love me more than my parents.”

Will was hoping Mike wouldn’t be so keen and perceptive. But fuck it. “Yeah. Actually yeah. I’m going to love you more than your fucking parents. And I know that’s not the same, and it will  _never_  be the same, but it’ll be constant. Always. No matter what.”

“Will...” Mike sniffles again and smiles like he wants to break apart; joy stinging against an open, raw wound.

Will knows who put that wound there, has felt its harsh and unrelenting grip on himself before too. The pain is real and feels like nails going through his heart every time he faces that  _word_  or those headlines, or when he hears it in his own head late at night. Will is very familiar but wants to divorce it from himself-- from gripping the same heart he uses to love Mike and care for them both.

Will inches even closer, both hands on Mike’s shoulders. He speaks quietly but without intimidation to the ache in his chest.

“Mike, I love you, and you’re going to love you too. Just give it some time. You’ll be okay.”

“I hate this.” He sighs. It’s tiring to see yourself exactly how you are, Will knows. It’s tiring trying to try and hold up joy with doubt sitting on your back. Like Atlas with the world. “My whole life-- going to be this way my  _whole life_.”

“That’s okay.” Will’s hands squeeze his shoulders and rock Mike gently against his quiet whimpering. “Michael, you’re going to be gay for the rest of your life. And I’m going to love you for the rest of mine. And that’s just how God made us.”

**Author's Note:**

> [The Rebloggable Post!](https://argylemikewheeler.tumblr.com/post/182855294905/some-short-byeler-i-quickly-wrote-after-hearing)


End file.
